retrace my steps, as if i forgot.

Well im well aware that only hours have passed, but I just can't stop thinking about every little thinkng in my head. (oh biggie the kitty just showed up and sat next to me, I love hims. itty bitty the kitty is on the couch watching me type). Speaking of my cats, I was talking to my husband last night, and he was like ... "How in the world could you think that you wouldn't be a good mom. You treat our cats like they are real children". Indeed I do. They are living creatures and living creatures need everything as well as ourselves. So as i thought about this, I was well aware that I could overcome this feeling that I could not do this. Because I KNOW I CAN! I'm just hoping I can change what I was taught. I want to make a difference with my child. I refuse to let my child live like I had to growing up!! So I will change the future. I have to say out of everything that has happened to me, I turned out well. (unless you count that maybe I should probably talk to a professonal about my past). As I go onto the age of 28, I am still being treated the same I was when I was a little kid. But I still always ending up apologizing for something I have never done, just because they are my family. I know deep down they don't care and I honestly shouldn't either, but I always end up going back because they are my family. I know I'm not the only person that has the same problem as I do. Life is hard. I just want to make a change before my child comes into this world of dysfunction. I will make a difference!

doubts.

Well as i come into week 29 of being pregnant, I'm getting a little scared. You see my childhood wasn't the greatest. Don't get me wrong I feel like I was raised okay, I just grew up with a dysfunctional family. I'm hoping maybe it won't be that way in my new family. Me and my husband get along very well, and are very excited about our new addition. But I still can't help to think of the past, and of all the things I went threw to get to where I am now. Not to mention all those things that happened in the past still happen to this day. I want to change the future for my child. I have alot of things to think about and decsions that need to be made to make this successful. Hearts will be broken and crying will begin but I have to do what needs to be done for my unborn child to live a healthy life.