Month 1.

Well yesterday was Niall's one month in this world, so to celebrate I figured I would post pictures of this beautiful baby boysiee :)


I just adore his mouth :)


his 1st car ride to another state (indiana)


playing with his new toy. he really does play with it.
my boysiee is so advanced.


Niall's hospital pic. He looks silly :D

Still Fighting It ...

I sing the song Still Fighting It from Ben Folds to Niall everyday.
This is will be our song :D

Good morning, son.
I am a bird
Wearing a brown polyester shirt
You want a coke?
Maybe some fries?
The roast beef combo's only $9.95
It's okay, you don't have to pay
I've got all the change

Everybody knows
It hurts to grow up
And everybody does
It's so weird to be back here
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We're still fighting it, we're still fighting it
And you're so much like me
I'm sorry

Good morning, son
In twenty years from now
Maybe we'll both sit down and have a few beers
And I can tell you 'bout today
And how I picked you up and everything changed
It was pain
Sunny days and rain
I knew you'd feel the same things

Everybody knows
It sucks to grow up
And everybody does
It's so weird to be back here.
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We're still fighting it, we're still fighting it
You'll try and try and one day you'll fly
Away from me

Good morning, son
I am a bird
It was pain
Sunny days and rain
I knew you'd feel the same things

Everybody knows
It hurts to grow up
And everybody does
It's so weird to be back here.
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We're still fighting it, we're still fighting it
Oh, we're still fighting it, we're still fighting it
And you're so much like me
I'm sorry.

Week One as a new Mommy.

I'm obsessed with Niall's mouth. He puckers it up and I just want to kiss him! He's the cutest baby :)


Actually I haven't been able to be a mom. My husband is Mr. Mom. I have been in the hospital the whole first week of his life, that I can't really say I'm a mom yet. I was put back in the hospital, doctors saying I was so close to having a heart attack. It was definitely not my fault. I was theirs. They pumped me with 3 days worth of fluid and never released it afterwards, that I swelled up very hugely and almost had a heart attack due to the fluid build up. So now as the result I have high blood pressure (I never had it the whole time i was alive or pregnant). I have to take medication for the rest of my life. It's really sad, because the whole time I was in the hospital I cried thinking I was never going to be able to see or take care of my child again!! This was the scariest thing i ever been thru. Here I was thinking it was going to be the C-Section I had to have, to have Niall.

But so far I have only been out of the hospital one day, and I'm still not well. I'm really hoping I can conquer this. This is all I want. I need to be with my family! It means EVERYTHING to me!!

On a good note. (I'd hate for this blog to be all depressing). I had a beautiful son last Friday! I am so IN LOVE with him! I never thought I could love something so much, I'm Amazed! Here are some pics of his first week :)

if you look at my finger it was so swollen :(

Baby Scotty.

I am very sad today. One of my fave animals at the zoo has passed away. Jerm took me to meet him 3 years ago. And whenever I go to the zoo I make sure I see Scotty first. When I'm not there and my friends are, I always ask them to take a pic or see what he's up to for me. Elephants and Harp Seals are my fave animals, and to hear of one passing (please don't ever get me started on the clubbing of baby harp seals in canada) I get teary eyed. Poor Scotty was only a baby still! You will be missed. R.I.P.

baby doctor visit - week 39.

Today I was expecting to maybe have a baby this week. My doctor has suggested a C-section last week. But this week he has changed his mind (for now). I am currently still 1cm, and I have been for 3 weeks now. My doctor told me to wait it out 1 more week, and we will talk about a new plan. (which he said this last week, but it's not a big deal).

I'm not in a hurry to get baby Niall out until he is ready to come out. I would love for him to make an appearance but I'm not pushing him lol. :)
To me, it seems he kinda doesn't want to come out, but I'm aware that's all in my head.
Ahh ... the waiting game lol.

Baby Nerves.

As I'm enjoying this wondeful weather alone (I have pink-eye), I start to think how close i am to having my baby boy. Only 44 days left. I'm pretty excited actually. I still think that maybe I won't be able to achieve this, but I will be a first time mom. So maybe I'm not the only person who thought this. Me and Jeremy are preparing the babies room (again). because at first they told us we would be having a girl. But at my 32 week ultrasound they said sorry it's a boy LOL. we were completely ready for our baby girl River Marie. But it looks like our baby boy Niall James will be gracing us with his presence instead :)

I'm really nervous about the day my water breaks, or if I get induced. What do I do? What should I bring? What clothes for me and Niall do I bring? Is my baby gonna be healthy?? Will I have complications?? Yea I'm sure you can tell I'm scared! I wonder if someone can help me with this ... I'll take some advice anyday :)

retrace my steps, as if i forgot.

Well im well aware that only hours have passed, but I just can't stop thinking about every little thinkng in my head. (oh biggie the kitty just showed up and sat next to me, I love hims. itty bitty the kitty is on the couch watching me type). Speaking of my cats, I was talking to my husband last night, and he was like ... "How in the world could you think that you wouldn't be a good mom. You treat our cats like they are real children". Indeed I do. They are living creatures and living creatures need everything as well as ourselves. So as i thought about this, I was well aware that I could overcome this feeling that I could not do this. Because I KNOW I CAN! I'm just hoping I can change what I was taught. I want to make a difference with my child. I refuse to let my child live like I had to growing up!! So I will change the future. I have to say out of everything that has happened to me, I turned out well. (unless you count that maybe I should probably talk to a professonal about my past). As I go onto the age of 28, I am still being treated the same I was when I was a little kid. But I still always ending up apologizing for something I have never done, just because they are my family. I know deep down they don't care and I honestly shouldn't either, but I always end up going back because they are my family. I know I'm not the only person that has the same problem as I do. Life is hard. I just want to make a change before my child comes into this world of dysfunction. I will make a difference!

doubts.

Well as i come into week 29 of being pregnant, I'm getting a little scared. You see my childhood wasn't the greatest. Don't get me wrong I feel like I was raised okay, I just grew up with a dysfunctional family. I'm hoping maybe it won't be that way in my new family. Me and my husband get along very well, and are very excited about our new addition. But I still can't help to think of the past, and of all the things I went threw to get to where I am now. Not to mention all those things that happened in the past still happen to this day. I want to change the future for my child. I have alot of things to think about and decsions that need to be made to make this successful. Hearts will be broken and crying will begin but I have to do what needs to be done for my unborn child to live a healthy life.